Kevin is gone again this week. I have tried to keep my chin up, look on the bright side, see the silver lining, and just get through it and quite frankly - I just want to have a pity party. My lot is not like many. Some have loss their spouse to death while others have divorced. My husband isn't deployed and I know that if all goes according to plan, he will arrive sometime Friday evening...
...and leave again Monday morning.
I get it. He has a good job. One that puts food on the table. One that pays all the bills and gives us a bit of extra to be able to plan a day at the water park or buy a special toy. I get that if he could he would choose to be home. But today...none of that seems to matter.
As my oldest comes out of her bedroom for the fourth time,(bedtime was over an hour ago) it takes all I have to hold back my tears. I don't want to do this alone. This isn't what I signed up for. I am awful at throwing a baseball and I can't make a single thing out of Legos. I don't make stuffed animals dance nor would I ever dream of making their backsides into a poo blaster.
What makes it worse - tomorrow is my birthday. At my age, they come and go without much fanfare. No big party is needed or expected but a family dinner would be nice. I will be lucky to hear from him by 8pm.
I don't want a weekend husband. I don't want to be a single parent. I guess there is a lot we all don't want.
